Art of Letting Go

1. The Lord will ask you to let go of the most important thing or person.
Ito ung moment na sasabihin ni Lord na iwan mo na yang bisyo na yan o kaya naman iwan mo na yung tao na yan. Kadalasan ito din ung mga bagay o tao na feeling mo di mo kayang i-let go dahil sobrang attached ka na dun. Pwede ding kaya di mo ma i-let go kasi nakasanayan mo na or natatakot ka lang talaga.

2.To let go, is a journey
Bat journey? Kasi di ba umakyat sina Abraham at Isaac sa bundok. Ung letting go pala ay proseso. Pwedeng mahaba, pwedeng mabilis depende sa bilis ng taong maglelet go. Kung gusto mo talagang maglet go kelangan simulan mo at ng matapos na yan.

3.Offer it whole heartedly
Kung maglelet go ka dapat walang matitira. Yung tipong walang pagiimbot. Dapat walang matira kasi pag may natira dyan babalik at babalikan mo lang yan. Bubuhayin mo tapos lalago ulit. Naglet go ka pa?

4.When God asks you to let go, He will give you something greater.
Gen 22:16 and said, "I swear by myself, declares the LORD, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son,
Gen 22:17 I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies,

Kaya ka pala pinapalet go kasi may mas malaking bagay na ibibigay si Lord sayo. Hindi niya yan ipapagawa para pahirapan pero para matuto kang magtiwala sa kanya.


Totoo mahirap talaga maglet go ng mga bagay na nakasanayan mo ng gawin. Mahirap din iwan ang mga taong sanay ka ng kasama. Huwag kang matakot bumitaw kasi andyan naman si Lord para saluhin ka.

Surprising 2013!

Now then, stand still and see the great thing the Lord is about to do before your eyes!

                                                                                                                                -1 Samuel 12:16-

                The year is about to end and I think it is nice to write something about what happened to me just like any other bloggers would do. Last year was a blast; I was suppose to post something about my 2012 but didn’t have much time to do so. Today I am taking time to share my stories about this 2013.

                The verse above is my devotion, January 1^st of this year. I caught myself looking forward to those new things the Lord was about to do in my life. There was so much excitement on me then but the devil tried his best to stop me from believing God’s word.

I had a lot of frustrations which made me really sad or should I say broken? But every time I look back, I realize that God indeed made great things in my life.

                March 2013, Final term. I was confident enough to pass my subjects except for Mechanics. Since I am not a fan of Physics, I always thought of it as difficult. No matter how I intended to understand the subject, it seemed not working at all. Probably, it is because I just had to and that I was not into it. A week before the final exam, our professor showed our grades. I was given 65. That did not surprise me at all because I knew I performed worse. I was worried, left me thoughts that even if I ace the final exam I would not be able to pass the course. I prepared myself by reviewing on Mech, as well as on my other subjects but with a baggage of fear in me.

The day of our exam came but our professor was not there. He let his S.A. watch over us. I chose the sit at the back, with much belief that it would bring help. While taking the exam, I was extremely nervous that I could not concentrate. At some moments, I had to breathe in and out to relax myself. I guess I was able to answer the multiple choice part correctly. Yet, when I was to answer the problem set, I had a mental block. Simply by staring on the test paper, I knew I had ideas about it but unfortunately could not turn them into writing. Although I knew not the correct answers, I tried answering the questions. When I looked around, I saw some of my classmates were sharing their answers to another. Then I looked at my paper, a complete stare on it while I hoped that any minute it would already end.

Seconds and minutes passed, I had no answer yet. Tears started to fall. Maybe because of too much pain I had upon thinking I am stupid. I wiped my tears and went to the wash room. I stayed there for 2 or 3 minutes and silently cried.

While crying, I told the Lord that I would not cheat even if there is a need for me to take a removal. The agonizing exam ended 30 minutes after I went back inside the room. My friends tried to cheer me up. Everyone was exhausted because of the exam so we decided to star gaze. For a moment, I was able to forget my problems.

June 2013, Heartaches.

First, the mother of my close friend died and because of it she would not be able to continue her studies. It is very depressing for this friend of mine was in so much pain that only God can take away. Then, I was told by my spiritual leader that she would be able to continue her studies -- in their province. I was dumbfounded. I felt alone. My mind was clouded with selfish reasoning. People do come and go, and I was unable to accept that fact.

In my acads, I was doing a bit fine. I set my mind to be more positive about it and with my life. Most of our subjects were more challenging than those that we had the previous semester. I had a positive attitude towards my major subjects and aimed to get 90 on all the subjects.

Again, my fighting spirit was tested. We had an activity in our bio class. Everyone was almost done with theirs but I was still struggling to finish mine. I tried to draw beautifully and got even more excited to get the task done. Unfortunately, I was unable to pass it. Our professor told me, “Corporal, maghanap ka na ng mapagpapasahan n’yan.”

Being a sensitive girl, I did not pass the activity and just cried. From then on, I reminded myself that one day, I would be able to impress the certain professor. I told myself that even if my professors insult me; I would do my best to show them that they were wrong about me. I also strived harder in our chemistry class even if I hated the subject. I would seek help from my classmates whenever I was having difficulty. First semester ended. I waited for my grades fervently. I failed on achieving my goal – getting 90 marks in all of my subjects.

During our break, I got the news that we do not yet have grades in our major subjects. Admittedly, I was anxious since I heard that our professor can give us a line of 7. I didn’t want to see another mark of line of 7. I trusted the Lord that I won’t get a grade lower than 80. I claimed it every day, even until the first few weeks of the second semester. Astonished by the result, my lowest grade was indeed 80. How funny God is!

            In my Mech subject, I received the least grade - 75 as my final mark which indicates that a student passed the exam. I don’t know how it happened but I am still thankful because I do not have to retake the subject.

First semester of 2013, it amazed me because I got 88 in our Heat and Thermodynamics. That was surprising because our professor there was the one in my Mech subject. I realized that one must really have to enjoy the subject to understand it clearly and have a positive outcome.

                Little I did know that God was doing new things in my life.

God promoted Papa twice. Not just that, He also gave Mama a promotion from OIC to Head of the English Department. Another is my sister’s dream came true. She is now taking up Law in PLM.

               

I remembered posting on facebook something like, “Itaga mo sa bato magiging marine biologist ako.” I was surprised that the Biology teacher I mentioned earlier who rejected my activity sheet, would be the same person who told me, “Konti na lang, you will be a good teacher.”Those words keep me from not losing hope. That experience will remain in me; not because of the pain I felt, but the challenge I surpassed. God was amazing for giving such and pushing me to accept it as a challenge.

I learned that whenever people look down on your dreams, you must not stop. Instead, fight for it even more and prove them that you are better than what they perceived of you.

                God showed the blessings right before my eyes. I was able to accept that God is letting me grow without my leader. Right now, my leader is performing even better than she does when she was here. She also found the guy God reserved for her. I am happy for her and full of content that I was able to overcome that sadness. God healed my heart.

                My friend who needed to stop from schooling this year is doing great in her province. She helps her grandma in their sari-sari store. What made me even more joyful is that her relationship with God is growing stronger. Next year, she will go back to school. I am excited for her.

                Finally, I get to hold the dreams I have been longing ever since I was a child.

I dreamed of being a ramp model. It happened early this year when we had a fashion show. When I was younger, how I had wanted to join dance contests but never have the guts since Papa would not allow us to join in extra-curricular activities.

Last July, some of my friends asked me to join a hip-hop dance contest because they need members so they can compete. At first, I was hesitant. Then I changed my mind and said yes. I love dancing and I know it will make me happy. On the day of the contest, I was filled with uneasiness so a friend advised me to pray. After the contest, I remembered asking God for the championship and He did give it to me – to us!

Another moment to shine was given to me by God. I was chosen to do an interpretative dance with a partner. Aside from that, I was able to choreograph my own with the tune of “Clarity”.

                Dreams do happen! I thank God for giving mine. Specially, the ones I have been keeping inside my heart. The year was rough and I’d been through a lot of heartaches but God amazingly made good out of them. I had been down several times. God pick me up, every time I was. God showed me that I have to be strong despite circumstances. 1 Samuel 12:16 is really my verse for this year. Great things happened in my 2013 because I stood still just like what God asked me to do.

I am excited for 2014. What could be my verse? This heart is prepared, maybe not seemed enough but with God it will always be.

How about you? Where did 2013 lead you? With your experiences, I hope you get to strain the goodness out of the imperfections this world showed you. I pray for that you may also have that intent excitement for 2014.

STOP STARING AT ME

"Sometimes people are stupid to look at their destiny and stay on their place. Yeah, it's good to wait for things to happen but I think it would still be great to step forward towards that dream rather than staying at the window STARING AT it."-aziel corporal-

After posing for some pictures, I browsed the photos and chose this as the best. I was so happy about the outcome that I even posted this on my twitter account. Yesterday, I decided to post it on my facebook account (ladyazielc). I was thinking of a special caption and ended up talking about staring at your destiny. 

Like this picture, I am a girl who keeps staring at my dreams on my window pane. I'm just merely looking or sometimes glancing on them but my heart is never really determined that I need to do something. I used to work as a call center agent, for 2 years and a half in the BPO industry, and enjoyed it. On my first year, my mother kept on urging me to go back to school. I told her that I'm still saving for my studies but the truth is I'm enjoying work that I don't want to go back to school anymore. On the contrary, my heart longed for school but work dragged me -- dreams forgotten. How I wanted a different future but I didn't do anything. A lot of excuses were made, simply because I did not want to get near them.

By fate, I was awakened from the habit of staring. Last 2010, a pastor shared about running after your dreams and it was not yet too late to do so. That moment was like a fast truck - a total impact. 

Yeah, that was me before. Stupid for staying in the window pane for along time. I did enjoy the view, but never reached it. Near yet so far. I have waited too much and thought about the right timing to fight for my dreams. I didn't know then that dreams will never step on you; instead you should be the one stepping towards them. 

Now, I am conscious that going through the journey is still the best. I have never felt much alive now that I'm doing something. 


It feels better...




...than sitting and watching my dreams from a distance.

HOLDING HANDS.2

Ito ay isang pangyayari sa isang conference ng church namin. Naisip ko lang i-post, mukhang  kasing maganda yung story.Noong nakaraang Tuesday, October 23, nagkaroon ng National Conference yung church namin. Siyempre masiya kasi bless na bless ka sa mga binabahagi ng bawat Pastor. Sobrang ganda lahat ng messages nila.
Isa sa mga Pastors ay kumanta ng call me maybe.Siyempre nagulat ang lola mo, alam niyo naman allergic ako sa song na yun. Nashare ko na naman yun sa inyo sa holding hands.1 diba? Pero napangiti ako kasi bigla niyang sinabi. 
"Do you know that there's a Chrsitian version of that song?" 
Di ako sigurado kung yun yung eksaktong sinabi niya pero medyo ganun yung context. Tapos bigla niyang kinanta yung song (yung lyrics nasa side). Pagkatapos niyang kumanta mas nagulat ako sa sinabi niya.WARNING: di ulit ako sigurado kung ito yung exact words niya. 
"Ok, I want you to hold the hand of the person next to you."
OMG...kaloka si Pastor, apat lang kami dun sa row namin at sakto pa lalaki yung katabi ko. Pagtingin ko sa right side ko, magkahawak kamay na yung mga friends ko. Ibig sabihin lang si guy on my left ang pwedeng kapartner ko. Syempre awkward kami pareho, kaya walang holding hands na naganap.
"C'mon don't be shy. Just hold the person's hand don't worry"
Ay naloka ulit ako, nabasa pa ni Pastor yung nasa utak namin nung guy na katabi ko. Kaya kahit hesitant kelangan sumunod sa Pastor (Cute naman yung guy at tantya ko nasa 5'5 to 5'7 yung range ng height niya). Pasensya na, kelangan kong idescribe siya feeling ko kasi curious kayo.Alam mo na, You have to obey your Pastor. So kami ni guy on my left, naghawak kamay na. Yung hawakan namin di yung pang magjowa ah. Hmm, ayung para lang pagsasayaw. So as not to tire your brain from imagining click on this. Medyo ganyan pero ihorizontal mo lang.hahaha.
It wasn't the first time I held someone's hand but the thing is I don't even know the person. Take note total strangers kami. Sabi nung Pastor repeat after him tapos habang sinasabi mo yung lyrics titingin ka sa katabi mo. Ok so ginawa namin. Pero ito yung pinaka-Epic at pinaka-awkward moment.
"I'm yours forever." Bawat line talaga tumitingin kami sa isa't isa pero sa line na to isang swift look in the eyes lang. As in sobrang bilis lang. Nakakatawa kasi bigla kong naisip ang weird namang sabihin sa tao na yun ang "I'm yours forever" kasi parang iba yung dating whahaha lalo pa't lalaki yung kahawak kamay ko. Anyway, wag yan ang pagtuunan natin ng pansin. Jump tayo sa realization ko sa naganap na holding hand at pagkanta ng song sa taas.Naisip ko  kasi na ang isang bagay na negative kaya palang gawing positive. Tingnan mo yung call me maybe, di ba dati asar ako sa song na yan dahil sa "hey I just met you..here's my number so call me maybe" eh pwede naman palang "God I just met you, you love me crazy...I know you called me." Ngayon ko mas narealize lahat nagiging beautiful pagnakay Lord. It reminded me of the verse Isaiah 1:18

 "Come now, let us settle the matter," says the Lord. 
"Though your sins are like scarlet as snow; 
though they are red as crimson, they shall be like a wool"--NIV 

Si Lord kayang kaya ka niyang baguhin kelangan mo lang magkaroon ng relasyon sa kanya. Kapag may relasyon na kayo ni Lord, hawakan mo lang yung kamay niya. Makipagholding hands ka sa kanya at kantahin mo yung Christian version ng Call Me Maybe. Promise hindi siya bibitaw. Ako,hanggang ngayon magkaholding hands kami ni Lord. Minsan maraming hirap ang nadadanas ko pero kumakapit parin ako sa kanya. Naiisip ko kasi parati kapag bumitaw ako kay Lord, san ako pupunta? San ako pupulitin. At para din sa mga singles dyan (ehem), kay Lord mo muna sabihin yung "I'm yours forever" at sa kanya ka muna makipagholding hands( -.- ). Don't worry kasi yung other half mo nasa kabilang kamay ni Lord. At the right time and the right moment, ibibigay ni Lord yung kamay nung tayo na yun at sasabihin niya sayo, "Anak, ito na ang YOURS forever mo(maliban sa akin). Sige HOLDING HANDS na kayo." 

Holding Hands.

A post from a friend's timeline in Facebook

 Call me maybe is a famous song of Carly Rae Jepsen. The song's beat is really good probably that's the reason why it was so famous specially to teenagers. Honestly I did like the song but after searching the song's lyrics I started to hate it (If I did like a certain song, I would search for it's lyrics and would analyze the message). Whenever I hear the song, I would put my hands on my ears just as not to hear the song. For me the song is so flirtatious. Can you imagine a girl who just met a random guy then gives her number? Duh, that's FLIRTATION. Sorry to anyone who is currently reading this one. I may sound so old-fashioned or "manang" in Filipino but the heck I care. The song is literally saying that it's okay to flirt with someone. If you are a girl, you shouldn't be doing that. A girl should be the one being chased not the one chasing after a guy (thank God I received wisdom from You and my Pastor about how girls should be treated).I hope girls out there won't be doing such stupid thing. Girls if you want a boyfriend God will give it to you at the right time. Don't hurry too much you'll just worn out yourself giving your number (hahaha).

Isnabero

Isa akong late bloomer na writer. Grade 6 ako ng madiskubre ko ang aking talento sa pagsulat. Gumawa kami ng tula ukol sa Global Warming at ang alam ko ang wikang Filipino ang aking unang ginamit. Hindi ko maalala kung ano yung tula pero mataas ang nakuha kong marka ( :D ). Simula noon nahilig na akong gumawa ng tula na kinalaunay nakakabuo na ako ng essay at maikling kwento. Sa totoo lang hirap ako magsulat sa wikang Filipino, una dahil hindi ako taga Maynila, Bikol ang salita namin kaya minsan may mga salitang hindi ko alam ang katumbas sa tagalog. Ikalawa, dahil mas mahilig akong gumamit ng english ( impluwensiya ng english teacher kong nanay ). 

Teka hindi naman ito yung gusto  kung iparating sa inyo. Kani-kanina nag-iisip ako ng mga bagay na nangyayari sa isang manunulat kapag meron ideyang pumasok sa utak niya. Hmm. ano nga ba? Sa sitwasyon ko madami pero ang pinakadominant na ginagawa ko ay ang isulat ang nasa utak ko. Minsan four-liners na tula lang yung nagagawa ko pero sinusulat ko at hinahanapan ko ng bagong ideyang maidudugtong. Nanghihinayang kasi ako sa mga letra ng tula na pwede kong maubo kahit hindi kumpleto isusulat at isusulat ko parin ito. Ako yung uri ng manunulat na me sumpong, mali yata ako lahat ata ng manunulat ay sumpungin. Oo, sumpungin sa mga ideya. Kapag meron isusulat at kapag tinamaad pababayaan ang nasimulang letra. Kapag sinipag naman ilang araw akong magiging balisa sa mga pwede kong maidagdag sa aking nasimulan. Kapag di ko gusto ang sinulat ko, kung wala sa basurahan ang draft nasa notebook na panay cross-out ng itim na bolpen. Yung tipong scribbles tapos maraming ex o kaya strike through sa mga letra, ganun yun. Yung ibang manunulat kaya ganun din ba ginagawa nila. Maganda magsulat ng magsulat. Una kong naging paborito yung tula. Gusto ko lahat rhyming words, yung pwedeng gamitin nina Francis M.,Gloc-9, T.O.P, GD at Eminem sa kanilang mga kanta. Nakaka asiwa kasi kapag hidi tugma ang mga letra ng isang tula parang naririndi ang tenga ko sa tunog o baka naman hindi lang ako ganun ka flexible sa pagsusulat ng tula. Sa short story naman, gusto ko tragic love story. Hindi ko masyadong trip ang happy ever after na love story hindi ko kasi genre yun pero minsan gusto ko din subukan. Sa mga essays naman siyempre kung ano paksa na ibigay eh di yu ang gagawan ko. Sa blogs, hmm. masasabi kong reflection ito ng sarili ko. Para yung blog ang nagpapakita ng personality ko. Kung makasabi ng "reflection ito ng sarili ko" parang ang dami ko ng entry, hahaha. Ito kasi yung parang lalagyan ko ng mga ideya na fresh-from-the-brain. Sa ngayon nag-iisip na naman ako ng bagong maisusulat pagkatapos ng entry na to. Sa totoo niyan meron ng nakapilang ideya sa utak ko na habang nagsusulat ako ngayon ay binabagabag niya naman ang utak ko (simultaneous event lang). 

Hala sige tama na hanggang dito na lang muna maibabahagi ko sa inyo. Ay konting , paalala sa mga taong hindi mahilig magsulat at medyo nawewerduhan sa mga manunulat.

Kapag ang isang manunulat ay may naisip na isulat kelangan niya ng katahimikan. Kahit nasaang lugar yan titigil at titigil siya para maisulat ang ideyang bumabagabag sa kaya. Delikado sialng kausapin kapag bigla silang nanahimik paniguradong giyera aabutin mo. Malamang sa malamang sasabihin nila "SHUT UP".

Gusto mo mamatay? Sige tawid ka.

Bente uno anyos na ako pero isa sa mga pinakamahirap gawin para sakin ay ang pagtawid sa kalsada. Wala akong pinipili, street, crossing o highway man yan. OO, hindi ako marunong tumawid. Lakas na siguro ng tawa mo (hahaha) kasi ako natatawa din ako sa tuwing nahihirapan akong tumawid. Kadalasan natatagalan ako sa kanto ng kalsada kakaantay ng red light. Kapag walang streetlights, peds o kaya footbridge ang hinahanap ko. Naisip ko kasi, sayang ng buhay ko kung masasagasaan lang ako. Ang pangit din ng itsura ko sa kabaong. Baka magmukha pa akong giniling na karne. Kawawa naman ako dahil lang sa pakikipagpatintero sa mga sasakyan mamatay ako,ayoko nga. Isa pa sayang naman ng pondo ng gobyerno sa mga streetlights, pedestrian lane at footbridge kung di ko gagmitin. Eh di parang sinayang ko na rin ang tax na binabayad ng mga magulang ko at ng ibang Pilipino. Ano ba naman ang konting tingala sa streetlight at mag-antay ng red light? Hindi naman siguro mauubos enerhiya ko sa katawan kung maglalakad ako sa tamang pedestrian o kaya umakyat sa matarik na footbridge. Safety ko pinag-uusapan kaya mas mabuti ng sumunod sa batas. Pero aaminin ko guilty parin ako minsan sa di pagtawid sa tamang oras at tamang tawiran. Marami kasi sa mga kaibigan ko alam ang sitwasyon ko sa pagtatawid kaya kadalasan hinihila nila ako. Naririndi sila sa tili ko kasi sobrang takot ako tumawid. Ayoko ng ginawa ko pero nagagawa ko kasi may kasama ako. Binabago ko yung ugali na yun kasi nga nagagawa ko naman sumunod sa batas kapag ako lang ang nasa kalsada. 

Bago matapos ang entry nato, maitanong ko lang? bakit ba trip na trip ng mga Pilipino ang tumawid sa mga lugar na hindi pwedeng tawiran? Hindi ko din maintindihan. Siguro malakas lang talaga trip natin, di kasi tayo kontento na tao at maliit na kalsada lang ang elemento ng patintero. Mas trip ata natin yung patintero kasama ang mga sasakyang humaharurot, malaki o maliit man sila. Feeling siguro natin sasagipin tayo ni Captain Barbel kapag malapit na tayong masagasaan o mas gusto lang natin yung blood rush or adrenalin rush. Seryoso, di ko talaga alam ang sagot. Nakakatawa nga tayo kasi meron ng karatulang nagsasabing "BAWAL TUMAWID NAKAMAMATAY" pero tuloy pa rin. Kadalasan marami silang tumatawid para kahit di pa oras tumawid titigil ang mga sasakyan para pagbigyan sila. Ganyan kaya nakikita ko, eh di dagdag traffic pa. Oh di ba, para lang yang domino effect. Una, tumawid ka at ng iba pang jaywalkers ng wala sa oras biglang titigil yung mga sasakyan para makatawid ka, maliban sa sumimangot si manong drayber  eh nalate pa yung mga pasahero niya. Kaloka, di ba. Simula sa araw na to susunod na ako sa pedestrian lane, footbridge at streetlight kahit pa hilahin ako ng kasama ko. Ayoko sumama sa mga jaywalkers, kung gusto ko mag-improve ang Pilipinas kelangan disiplinahin ko ang sarili ko sa mga maliliit na bagay. Ayoko namang dumating ang araw na biglang lumapit ang isang MMDA sa akin tapos sabihin niyang "Gusto mo mamatay? Sige tawid ka."